Will you accept this rose?

Reality television piques my interest. Most of the time, I hypothesize my own performance and roundly criticize those actually participating (I could cook circles around the "chefs" on Hells' Kitchen). The range of programming sways from the pseudo-highbrow (Extreme Makeover) to the criminally insane (Flavor of Love). It occured to me that while most of these shows were competition-based, the majority of that sub-set were grounded in the dating world:

Flavor of Love 1, 2, and 3. I Love New York 1, 2, and 3. Mr. Personality. Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Date My Dad. Farmer Needs A Wife. Rock of Love 1, 2, and 3 . Outback Jack. Paradise Hotel. Temptation Island. Joe Millionaire. Average Joe. Who Wants to Marry My Dad?

Just to name a few...

And then there is The Bachelor.

Never a favorite of mine, I have watched this last season with increasing interest. The network just aired the reunion program as a prequel to the finale. In this yawn-inducing bitch-fest I found myself struggling to find any of the women attractive. Not the two finalists. Not any of the contestants. And after scrutinizing their features, their mannerisms, their attitudes, I realized just why none of them held any appeal for me:

Their lack of principles and shame.

To have launched themselves upon this bloke (he's English this year, so he has an accent that makes him sound classy) in a public forum, espousing profound feelings of true love after only a few days and a few cocktails provided by producers, these women have demeaned the very poetry of wooing. Just as unbelieveable as Luke Skywalker becoming a Jedi in all of about a day and a half (re-watch Empire and you'll realize just how long he really goes through his training)(yes, I totally belong on Beauty and the Geek) is these women believing that they'll be proposed to at the end of a few weeks. How selfless are you if you need to be on camera 24/7? How can someone truly be devoted to the idea of a singular love when carousing with fifteen other women at the same time? In the real world, he'd be a "player", and the women around him "sluts". But on television, the third runner up gets to be the Bachelorette.

The Bachelor has contributed the death and dearth of courtship. Women now feel the need to flay themselves of the digital altar, spewing obscenities and physical threats. They become carricatures of real women looking for real love, not shots at fleeting "US Weekly" fame. Even the one couple who DID end up staying together as a result of said program, Ryan and Trista, whored their nuptuals out to the network and paraded their baby before the paparazzi the way Paris Hilton does boy-toys. What's more appalling than the content is the continuing popularity of this show. Are we really to believe that this is going to be the most romantic rose ceremony ever?

Back to the original argument, that this diminishes the art of relationships. If anything, this, and all reality dating shows illustrate the decline of the committed heterosexual relationship. They are tabloid adventures in titulation. The tabloids themselves exploiting the participants in splashy exposes, reducing them to late-night fodder. Pick up any tabloid and it will contain two constants: who's banging who, and who's split up. Forty pages of this, every week of every year. Think of the major headlines recently that you've secretly peeked at while waiting in line at the checkout counter. Paul McCartney and Heather Mills. Starr Jones. Brittany and K-Fed. Divorce, divorce, divorce. Paris Hilton and this week's Son-Of-A-Greek-Shipping-Tycoon, Lindsay Lohen and some rock band flunkie, Jessica Simpson and the athelete of the moment. Emotionless trysts, at best. If anything, the tabloids do nothing but illustrate the impending extinction of the healthy committed hetrosexual relationship.

Why do I keep specifically mentioning "heterosexual"? The conservative right-wing of America constantly harps on the importance of traditional family values and the importance of defining marriage in our Constitution. The hypocrisy is beyond evident. The Senator who sponsored the most anti-gay legislation is busted in a bathroom stall. Evangelical leaders are caught with gay prostitutes. As we look to our leaders to provide examples for which to follow, the governor of Nevada is trying to evict his wife from the Governor's Mansion as they battle in divorce after 21 years of marriage. Donald trump, who roundly crticizes those who are unloyal to him and don't finish projects, himself has violated his own tennants by divorcing twice. Country music legend Garth Brooks left his wife of 16 years to run off with Trisha Yearwood, herself a married woman. Robin Williams is divorcing after 26 years of marriage. How can the right point to gays and say that their marrying would destroy the sanctity of marriage when there are far more examples of hetero impropreity? How have straight people, in even just this last decade, shown proclivity toward sanctifying the union of a man and a woman?

If you need any more convincing, tune in to the finale of the Bachelor next Tuesday, 10 pm PST on ABC.

(Michael did NOT meet his wife on a reality dating show, but they are hoping to one day be contestants on "The Amazing Race")


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