I am the anti-Job

So we all know, even us who don't read the Bible, the story of Job. Satan bet God that Job would renounce his faith if he felt that God had abandoned him. After countless tragedies, Job remained faithful.

I, too, feel like Job, but more like the anti-Job. One thing after another continues to plague my happiness and health, questioning my faith. But instead of these trials pushing me to renounce God, my tribulations are due to my lack of belief. Although it may sound oxy-moronic to say that I believe that a deity I don't believe in is pushing me to believe in Him by punishing me over and over again. Just admitting that this is a possibility is tantamount to acceptance of the existence of a higher being.

Of course if I truly believed this, I would have become a born-again long ago. Too much has happened for me to allow it all to continue Yet, I refuse to believe that my suffering is due to a lack of religious belief. And so as I continue to be steadfast in my atheism, more and more gets piled on.

So would my refusal to believe give recognition that I am in a battle with a God, which in turn shows that I have to believe in something to disagree with it? Or am I simply ranting against the frustration of all that continues to befall me?

If there is a God, then he is a cruel one because only a sadist would construct a body that had to pass a kidney stone.

Really, if God loves us, then why create man (in his image, no less) that is so susceptible to illness and injury? If we are made in God's image, then God must be in constant pain and agony, victim of cancer, multiple sclerosis, blindness, deafness, congestive heart failure, leprosy, diabetes, to name a few. (And another question, if man is made in God's image, then is God black, oriental, hispanic, arabic?) This might explain why He's too distracted to step in and end our own human sufferings. Misery enjoys company.

They say that kidney stones are the closest man will ever get to experiencing the pain of childbirth. Another reason for me not to want kids. I would never wish this pain on my wife.
I spent the day doubled over in more pain than I can ever recall having. And after getting fabulous drugs at the ER, I traded my kidney pain for skin pain. Yes, I had a terrible reaction with my skin and every inch of me flared up in red painful rash and I tried my best to completely rip off my skin.

So as my doctor used his skills to ease my suffering, the deity I don't believe in stepped in and gave me another round of pain to try and force me to admit He exists.

Instead, I chalk it up to karma.

I must have been one mean terrible evil son of a bitch in my previous life. It is the only explanation as to why I have been so crapped on by life when I try so very hard to be a good and productive person. I love my wife, and I try every day to do right by her, to give her a good marriage, to show her my undying love and devotion. I love my pets, whom I consider my kids. I respect and adore my family, my friends. I don't do drugs (unless you count prescriptions, countless and unending prescriptions), I don't practice bigotry, racism, sexism. I don't steal, slack-off, cheat. I own-up to my mistakes and shortcomings. I do what I must to be a productive and positive member of society.

So why do I continue to suffer affliction after affliction, economic defeat after economic defeat? I have an incurable immune disorder that will require me to get IV treatments for the rest of my life and may prevent me from ever working a 40 hour work week. I have a painful and incurable skin disorder that causes me to always want to rip off my own skin. I have insomnia, partial deafness in my right ear, the beginnings of cataracts in my left eye due to years on steroids for my other conditions, constant digestive distress due to the immuno deficiency, and now 6 stones sitting in my kidneys just waiting to cause me unearthly pain and suffering.

I must be paying penance for a prior life of scum and villainy.

Because if God does exist, he hates me.

The case against God

Some numbers are hard to wrap your head around.

A number like, say, 117, 599,000.

These numbers represent people. Actually, these numbers represent dead people. More specifically, casualties.

Casualties of God.

This number is actually only a small slice of the real number of people killed throughout history in the name of religion.

Casualties of God.

For me, this is just a small reason for my personal disdain for anything religious. To hear the faithful portend that God is good, great, giving, compassionate doesn't fit with the reality of the murderous and callous nature of invoking God's name. It has been invoked in nearly every conflict in mankind's history. The Bible itself is wrought with wars of faith, man killing man in the name of God.

The hypocrisy is a bit troublesome. Why should I believe that God is vested in the personal happiness and well-being of this Earth when He is the cause and reason for so much death, destruction, hatred, and war?

Religion is the cause of social prejudices, clinic bombings. It taints laws and governance. The tenants of inclusion, love thy neighbor, compassion are espoused by all religious believers, but ignored when applied toward those of a differing religious belief. Every church, every religion, believes that they are the "right and true" way to God. Because of this, man has fought man for all of history. Nearly every conflict and conflagration has invoked God as it's cause celeb re.

Think of all of the wars that have been fought due to religious differences, and then think of how many have died in these conflicts.

50 million dead because one failed vegetarian German painter had a prejudice against Jews.

15 million dead because a Catholic zealot assassinated a low-level royal in Sarajevo.

20 million Native Americans slaughtered or displaced because they were "pagan savages."

9 million Russians dead in a civil war that pitted Orthodox Christians against atheists.

7 million Europeans in the 30 Year's War (Catholics vs Protestants).

1 million or more during the Crusades.

2 million Saxons, Vikings, and Swedes died battling conversion to Christianity.

3 million in the battle between the Catholics and the Huguenots.

10 million indigenous Indians in Central and South America battling the Conquistadors.

Over 112,000 in the Troubles, the conflict between Ireland and England.

More than 60,000 died during the Muslim invasion of Hindu India.

Think, too, of the inter-Muslim battles between Shia and Sunnis, the fight over Cashmir between Muslims and Hindus, Kurds being repressed by Muslims and Christians, the genocide in Rwanda, Sudan, the Balkans. 32,000 died during the Inquisition. How many have died in the Middle East due to religious differences?

Gays have been attacked by conservatives. Doctors murdered for performing abortions. The KKK burns crosses on the lawns of African Americans.

And yet, God seems to be there for the vapid actress who had won an award or the athlete who scored a touchdown? Where is He when man picks up a gun and kills his fellow man in His name? Where is the logic in believing in a God that would allow so many to murder, rape, kill, molest, defame, degrade, maim, slaughter in His name? If God is watching over us all, and investing His time in personal achievements, then why is He not also guiding us all toward reconciliation? Why allow so many to claim ownership to Him?

If there is a God, then it's about time He stepped up to the plate, stop being so narcissistic in allowing so many to fight over who loves Him more, or who loves Him in the right way and end the aggression that has sullied His name for centuries.

If we are to follow the mantra: love thy neighbor, then why allow the violation of this tenant for so long? Why allow so many to die in Your name if you preach peace and tolerance?

Religion has caused nothing but misery for mankind since we grasped at something to explain those things in nature around us that we had no answers for. We are enlightened and educated now and can see the world through logical and scientific eyes. We don't need an unseen force to explain thunder and lightening, which is exactly what religion is: a convenient device to explain the unknown during the early days of mankind's' evolution.

I know that I have just offended many of my friends and family who themselves believe in God. I respect those who hold such a deep belief, but I will only respect those who do not disparage the beliefs of others. For if you do, then you are no better than those who have caused and perpetuated the death and destruction of millions simply because they disagree with something that neither of you can see. For those who quietly practice their devotion without impeding on the beliefs of others, I begrudge you not.

So forgive me if I choose not to believe. There is more evidence to contradict His existence than I can reconcile.

Numbers don't lie. And 117,559,000 is just too big a number to ignore.

The Definition of "Sacrilege"

Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary defines sacrilege as: gross irreverence toward something hallowed.

I define it as Brett Favre wearing a New York Jets jersey.

The name Favre has become synonymous with the Green Bay Packers, with Lambeau Field, with Cheesehead. He reigned as the most respected man in football. Rivals and peers alike afforded him the respect and awe due a record-setting athlete. He was considered the Gentleman of the NFL. No matter how you spin it, he was the epitome of sportsmanship.

Then he retired.

Sure, there had been overtures in the last few years, hints that he was ready to hang up his jockstrap. But with a finality punctuated with tears, he retired for real at the end of last season. He left at the pinnacle of his career, celebrated as one of the best to ever play the game.

-Uh, wait, hang on a sec...I think I've changed my mind.

-No, no, nevermind, nevermind, I'm retired.

-But, uh, I sure do miss playing....

-No, I'm done, time to be with the fam.

-Okay, I want to play. I definitely want to play. I totally take it back, I am NOT retired.

Seriously? We were gonna go with this Rogers fella, you know, the guy who's been shivering in your shadow all these years...

-Yeah, screw him and everyone else, I need to play, I AM the Packers, and I'm comin' home!

Uh, yeah, but we've moved on and you aren't on our list, so, uh, yeah, you're gonna have to sit in that Rogers fella's seat.

-Well then I'm taking my toys and going to Minnesota, so there!

Actually, you're going where we tell you, and you know where it really sucks? New York.

Although there is a certain justice in that decision, given Favre's impetuousness, there is also an inherent wrong in seeing him in a New York jersey (at least he's still in green).

Imagine if Michael Jordan or Ryne Sandberg got traded and were no longer in Bulls red or Cubs blue!

Oh, yeah, nevermind.

So one of two scenarios are going to happen:

1. The Jets will go all the way under the leadership of a rejuvenated and determined Favre.

2. The Jets will go down, down, down, proving that he should have stopped when he was ahead.

The only real scenario:

I will be rooting for that Rogers fella all the way. Team loyalty trumps individual athletes. One phrase will always ring true, no matter to whom it may refer:

Go Packers, Go!!!

Express Lane is a relative term

There are certain jobs you don't hire certain people for. For instance, you wouldn't hire a Mormon to be a bartender, would you? Sure, they'd be friendly enough, but when it came down to knowing the product they were serving, they become a wee bit handicapped. You wouldn't hire the Amish to sell computers, either.

When you are in retail, you need to have a basic grasp of your products for sale. Sure, there are always new employees who need to learn more specifics, but generally people apply for occupations that they are comfortable with, have an interest in, or have some experience in that field. Trainees usually aren't thrown into the deep end of the pool either if that company wishes them to properly represent them. You start off slow and work your way up in accordance with your increased knowledge about the job and the product.

So it was with great amusement that I observed a young man prove my point in the check-out line of the local supermarket.

There was a lady in front of me who was placing her items on the conveyor and in her myriad of consumables was a ginger root. The young man grabbed it, looked it over and then set it aside. He'd scan a few more items and then eye the root again with consternation and curiosity. Eventually the poor chap ran out of items to scan and was forced to confront the issue. Again, he grabbed it, studied it, turned it over and over in his hand. His expression grew pained.

"Excuse me, Ma'am, is this a potato?"

"No," she replied, a glimmer of mirth in her tone. "It's ginger."

"Uh, oh." He eyed her suspiciously. "I thought that was a powder."

Now you could see that the poor boy wasn't a day over sixteen and nervous. I have nothing but patience and understanding for trainees as most of my professional career consisted of training.

But you don't put the new guy on the Express Lane on a Saturday afternoon (of course, why I subjected myself to the grocery on a weekend is beyond me...).

I am so glad I decided against grabbing that jicama root...

Yeah, let me pull some magic money out of my butt....

In the last five years, I have racked up over $10,000 in medical bills. That's just me, that doesn't include the $6000 accrued by my wife. This is with insurance, mind you. Beyond that are the student loans to pay off, plus the obvious credit card debt.

My wife and I are like most Americans who try their best to pay down their debt and "get square" with their lenders. Like half of America, we are true blue Democrats, and for those who have read my writings, big supporters of Barack Obama. We have made our small contribution to the campaign, giving a nominal sum for a T-shirt and a few bumper stickers. But we are in a position, like most in this country, who cannot contribute in large sums like lobbies or corporations. We cannot afford, on our incomes, to give more to a candidate than we pay month to month toward our own personal debts.

So why am I being asked to pay off the debt of the Clinton campaign? Why am I being asked by my own nominee to give money to the woman who is not the nominee and continuously put herself deeper into debt knowing she could not win. She knowingly accrued an ever growing hole in her pocket without thinking of the future consequences (which goes to show that Democrats made the right decision in choosing Obama). And now she has the audacity to ask those who did not support her candidacy to pay off the debts of her egotism.

We cannot afford gas for our commutes, food for the dinner table, insurance for our ills, yet we are asked to deepen our own debt to lessen a millionaire's own financial shortcomings? If you pour money into a slot machine and continue to lose, all the while convinced you will win, the casino is not going to reimburse you when you finally crap out. Take the gamble, pay the price.

Write a new book, go on a speaking tour, do what you must to work off your own damned debt, Senator, and stop insulting the hard-working middle-class you so vociferously fought for. Hell, go get appointed to a board of directors somewhere and then retire a year later; the severance package will most certainly pay off those campaign loans.

As for Senator Obama, take the hint as shown by your supporters' response to your plea to help out Hillary: less than $100,000 has been given for her debts since you clinched the nomination. Don't alienate those who got you where you are. Just concentrate on how you'll make it easier for us regular citizens to ease our own debts.

Hillary, this is why you will always be a polarizing figure: you have no real grasp on reality. Go back to Chappaqua, your multi-million dollar mansion, and your focus on the job you do have.

The Pursuit of MY Happiness

So why am I sitting here on the Fourth of July banging out my miscreant thoughts instead of getting sunburned at a local fest or bloated from a cold frosty PBR? Because Americans can't read.

Every newspaper across the country today will invariably print a copy of the Declaration of Independence in full, which most will scan over instead of reading word for word, assuming they remember it from their school days. But like a bad game of "Telephone", the rights claimed therein have gotten slightly muddled after two hundred plus years. Specifically, the inalienable right to the "pursuit of happiness."

We aren't guaranteed happiness itself, rather, the right to try and make ourselves as happy as we wish. Whether or not we achieve happiness is another story. Unfortunately, we have become a nation of immediacy as illustrated by the brevity of "YouTube" clips, leaders speaking in sound bites, and television on demand through DVRs and TiVo. We have gone from a saving society that planned for purchases to one of debt where we get what we want now and deal with the consequences of that purchase later. Immediacy has pervaded every part of our lives. Pundits call elections the very second the polls close. Movies can be downloaded to your computer instantly for viewing so you don't have to waste the thirty minutes it would take to go to the video store and back.

Americans don't pursue happiness anymore, they expect it, and they expect it now.

I'm sitting in my office typing on my computer right now because I can't go to a fest or a picnic or barbecue. My wife is at work today. On a national holiday. In the summer. A holiday that celebrates the document that purports her right to try to be happy, which I would assume to be a day off to celebrate the nation's birth. Instead, she's sitting in an office rectifying obstacles to other peoples need for immediate happiness.

In other words, she's got to be the one who tells people they aren't getting the product they ordered because the Post Office is closed today.

My question is why the Post Office has the gall to be closed when every other business in America remains open on the nation's birthday? How dare they infringe on the happiness of the American people like that? Don't they realize that we will collapse as a civilization if we don't get what we want when we want it?

As I wait for my wife to get home from work, I could get in my car and waste the $4.26 per gallon tank of gas on hopping from strip mall to strip mall buying all those things I feel would make me happy today, from a new mattress (the top honor for our country as the biggest mattress sales usually correspond to our more patriotic holidays (President's Day, Columbus Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Veteran's Day, Fourth of July)) to a wide screen television to a garden gnome for the back yard. You name it, I could buy it today, on this, our biggest national holiday.

Really, what better way to celebrate our national birthday than by exploiting it's greatest virtue: greed. We have been a nation of consumers since the first days of the Republic, ever expanding, ever building, ever growing. So why should we close our businesses on this one day? It would be un-American to prohibit rampant commercial consumption.

And it would be un-American to ignore the true meaning of this day.

There was a time not so long ago that we held this holiday in a higher esteem. Growing up in the Seventies, the only businesses open on the Fourth of July were the grocery stores for those who needed a few more hot dog buns for the picnic or a bag of ice for the cooler. But they, too, shut down by noon. Perhaps it was the occurrence of the Bicentennial that made us a bit more reverent, but it doesn't explain how other national holidays were honored in the same way. You couldn't go to the mall on Labor Day because it was actually a day off from labor, for everyone. Now days, most companies don't even offer time and a half for working on that day.

The Fourth of July should be the day that everyone gets to pursue happiness by having a day off work and being able to enjoy the day in whatever manner they chose. The Fourth of July should not be a day when we expect happiness by having someone else answer the complaint line you have called because you are pursuing happiness. It's not guaranteed that someone will answer that line and make you happy, but you have every right to call and try to be made happy. It's that "try" part that trips everyone up.

So go back to today's paper, pull out that reprint of the Declaration of Independence, and actually read it. Double check that "happiness" part. It's not an inalienable right, but trying to be is. So I think I might go try and get my wife to take off work early so that I can try and enjoy the rest of this day. Sorry if that means you won't get your merchandise today. You'll just have to try and deal with it.

The nerf of some people....

It's bad enough that we coddle our children and try to be their "best friend." The result being "grown-ups" who have never had to grow up. We don't discipline anymore out of fear of over-reactive observers who claim that a justified smack on the bottom constitutes child abuse. Instead of laying ground rules and consequences, we encourage indifference and contempt for authority. Children who are not held accountable for their actions will continue to be irresponsible in the future. What we do now influences how these kids will behave as adults.

So it was with complete exasperation that I read about a Little League conference in Ohio that has cancelled it's All-Star Game for fear that "singling out certain kids as better players than others can hurt youthful self-confidence."

Well, then, when these summer sluggers get back to school, we had better make sure we eliminate the honor roll, and then for high schools and colleges, the valedictorian and salutatorian honors. We don't want the "stupid" kids to feel any "stupider" than they already are.
How will this help them!? Are they going to go to their boss when they get a job and cry that it's unfair that someone else got a promotion and they didn't? Or be surprised when they get a performance review?

How will this help them learn to take criticism, feedback, learn humility, respect for others, respect for hard work, respect for determination, respect for the job they have done? How does this help them learn to better themselves? How does this help them learn introspection?

It doesn't, plain and simple. What it does teach them is that if you don't try and you don't give your best effort, you'll be congratulated anyway. You'll be taught that it's not important to to try and be better, to do better. You will never be able to learn from your own mistakes because you will never be able to recognize when you do make mistakes. You will never realize your own potential.

Coddle these kids now, and they'll be bigger cry-babies in the future than what you're trying to prevent them from being now.

So this season, Beechwood, Ohio, don't do it half-assed: stop keeping score (or at least make sure every game ends in a tie), let everyone get on base, eliminate the play-offs, and you better use an extra-soft nerf ball (egos can be pretty fragile....).